mehish

as the result of: my brain being tired, complements on the shirt, and having nothing else to take pictures of..

this happened.

oh, half of my heart.

show yourself.
be yourself.
enjoy yourself.
play hard, so that you are in debt to yourself,
so that you must then work hard to repay it.
youre not better than anybody else,
but NOBODY is better than you.
-j.mayer.

bello.

i dont know what it was. maybe the air rushing past my hand out the window, maybe the windy roads, maybe the clear blue sky, maybe the view from way up above, but whatever it was, it was amazing. it was so calming. relaxing. and much needed.
we got to talk a lot. some conversations a little deep, some way out of the ordinary, and some with no words at all. laughing ninety percent of the time, at each other, about how tough the hike up was, how funny the pictures were, or at the other people there.
laying on the top of the mountain on a cool rock in the shade looking out, thinking about the horizon so far in the distance and the unfathomable number of people in the world. it couldnt get much better.
no thoughts of school, being so busy, or stress. it was freeing. i was never ready to leave. i was never bored. no cell phones, no distractions, no one else was there that we knew. we couldnt be bothered or interrupted.
in the car singing out to the songs we both liked and knew every word to. occasionally making hand motions and some interpretive dance moves. feelings of apathy towards what the other thought. it was comfortable. it hilarious.
it was flawless.

today.

today was very eventful to say the least.
where should i start? lets say about 549 this morning when i was supposed to meet spencer at mc donalds in order to follow him to soup kitchen. wellll. that didnt really work out considering spencers alarm clock doesnt work. and now it really doesnt work considering he smashed it this morning when he finally woke up at 8.
so when i finally decided that he wasnt coming after three phone calls, one voice mail, and a number of john mayer songs, i left and went back home to sleep. unaware that i wouldnt wake up until 5 minutes afterrr i was supposed to leave for school. then, because they are building a wallgreens right off of 150 (the way a go to school) the light was double backed up. so that was kind of stressful.
when i finally got to school after going 60 basically the whole way there, i open my car door, get my stuff out of the trunk, and start walking. then the final bell rings. awesome. im late for ap chem. it was okay though because mrs wells doesnt really take attendance all that much, so i dont think she wrote me down for being late, but i cant say that for sure.
so the bell rings to end zero period and i see spence walking down the hall towards me looking a little upset. and i see his swolen hand that he had smashed the alarm clock with and listened to the story of his morning and didnt even care anymore at all that he didnt show up because i knew he really felt bad and really cared.
so how about we just skip to calculus. i would rather not type about this but i will because it infuriates me. my teacher is so mean. she is mean to me and everyone else. she makes you feel like you are nothing, stupid, and shouldnt be in that class to begin with. since today was interum day, she calls me up to write my grade down and what is it. an f. yes, thats right. chelsea made an f. after that, she continues to write how i have such a low test grade, i have insufficient homework efforts(when i do ALL of my homework), and i need to come in for help. okay first of all i do not want help from that lady. she will just look at me like im stupid if i ask her anything. and secondly, she was so rude to me, i dont even want to talk to her anyway.
so then after a little venting to aaron about everything in english, i finally get to go home. i finish my calc homework, and decide to go to the y to do the treadclimber to work off some pudge. however when i pull out of my garage and down my drive way, i can barely steer the car. i pull back in the drive way, marks all over it btw, and get out of my car to be faced with the first complication with my car since i have been driving. a flat tire. a really flat tire. so that was pretty cool.
so now i had to get a ride to the fall retreat meeting and jordan was basically the only one who could take me, and she was leaving at 430 to go look at homecoming dresses, so i went with her. it was here i decided that i do not like to dress shop. it is much too stressful. much. buttt it has to be done. although i dont know whenn i am going to get that done. i must say though, i am throughly excited about homecoming. very.
that was basically the gist of my day.
lovely? mmm not exactly.

love.

i think my favorite word is love. yeah, it is.
john mayer said this in a live show and he stopped in the middle of bold as love and said this. ( well this is only part of it) "..what im saying is that ive messed with all the approaches except for one, and its gonna sound really corny but thats just loovvee. thats just love. ive done everything in my life that i wanna do except just give and feel love for my living. and i dont mean like roman candle firework hollywood hot pink love. i mean like i got your back love. so im gonna experiment with this love thing. givin love, feelin love, i know it sounds really corny but its the last thing i got to check out, before i check out."

i love reading that and i always skip in the middle of that song on my ipod playing in my room to listen to it as i get ready in the mornings. but really, isnt that great? just love. it solves basically all problems. love. and it can go in different directions, too. like love can be for someone else. or it could be the verb, to love. "givin love, feelin love, sharin love" i love it.oh and have you ever thought about how many songs have the word love in them or are about love? there are tons. and they're my favorite kinds.

'it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. love never fails.'


i wanna have that one person that doesnt just have roman candle firework hollywood hot pink love for me, i want the i got your back love! doesnt everyone? i mean cmon. the name of roman candle hollywood hot pink love sounds pretty sweet, but when it comes down to it, im gonna go for the second one for sure. thats the real stuff. the other is just a cover with a cool name. i want deep love, i want the i got your back love. it takes time and work but its worth it, i know it is.thats the kind of love everyone should be giving out. and people should be receiving. thats what will make everything all worth while.

so how about we pass the cool names and fake stuff and get to the real deal.

thats what i say.

ephesians 6:11

' put on the armor of god so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes.'

i think that says enough for today.

about nothing.

"you have to be willing to get happy about nothing." -andy warhol

i really like andy warhol. i was looking at his posters on his website and came across one that said this on it. ive been pondering this little quote for the past bit.

you have to be willing to get happy about nothing? well, if its nothing,.. everything is something. what exactly is nothing?

maybe its saying you have to get happy about not having everything, or not getting everything you wanted, or you have to be happy with what you have?

its really confusing to me. and i dont know why, but i cant get a good grasp around it.
oh, okay here.
you have to get happy about something that means something to someone else, but means nothing to you?

nevermind, i dont know.

essentially, nothing could be a lot of things. ironically.
you have to be willing to get happy about nothing.
this could go in so many directions!

i think this quote is much easier to intake than im making it.
maybe i should stop trying to analyze every little detail.

i do that a lot.